The Big One

"Why are you and Daddy not married anymore?"

I have known this was coming since the day my ex left. I tried to prepare myself emotionally, as well as to have answers readily available that don't point blame or involve name calling. I've had 5 years to prepare for this day, so I should have aced it.

Wrong. Oh, So Wrong. I was not prepared for it to come out of the blue like it did, and I was not at all expecting him to already have more information than I anticipated. I mean how much worse of answer could I have given than, "Well unfortunately Ty, sometimes things happen in marriages that cause people to get a divorce."  Seriously, what kind of answer is that?  That explains things about as well as, "Because I said so."
Then, out of left field,  the kid low balls me with, "Is it because my Daddy broke off with you?"

I was shocked. First of all, who has he been talking to, and who put those words in his head? Secondly, I mean, what do you say? Yes, and then your pointing the finger of blame. Or No, and then your a liar. I made a quick decision (not usually a good idea for me) and went with the truth. Obviously, its not the whole story, but it's enough for a 5year old. No matter how bad I don't want to color Ty's thinking about the situation, I sure don't ever want to lie.

I want Ty to know that no matter what question he asks me, that I will always answer in truth. Always. No matter how difficult the question or the answer. (Hopefully, for him, he doesn't ask about Santa too soon.)

What I Maybe Did Right.
I accept the fact that I messed up, but I hope I did do some things that were right. When I realized that this was a conversation that needed my full attention, I pulled the car over into a parking lot, unbuckled Ty's seat belt and pulled him onto my lap.

 As soon as he was in my arms, I could feel him shaking.  He wasn't crying, he was shaking from anger. His little hands were curled up into fists, and every muscle in his body was tight. I gave him a big hug, kissed him on his forehead and asked him to talk to me about what he was thinking and feeling. He said he didn't want to talk about it anymore, but I told him that it was OK, that he could talk to me no matter what.

Finally, after I promised not to tell 'anyone', he told me that                                                                  (sorry, I promised, and I'm pretty sure that posting it on here would constitute a Mega violation). 

I handled it the best that I could and so this is what I told him.  "No matter who we are, how much money we have, how many friends we have or how perfect our lives appear to be there are going to be things that happen to us that are either unfair, that hurt us and/or things that make us angry.  We may not understand why these things happen and we do not have to like them, but we do have to accept them."  I told him that "when things in my life happen that hurt me or make me unhappy, I try to think of at least one good thing that happened because of it."

"What could be good about this?" he asked.

"Well, for me it is that I have been able to make my everything all about you. I haven't had to share my time or attention with anyone other than you. If we want to eat nothing but popcorn for supper, it doesn't matter, because the only people we have to make happy is us." I replied.

"You know what else is great? You have two totally awesome little brothers that you would never have had, if your Dad and I stayed together."

"I wouldn't? " Ty asked surprised.

"Nope, and I definitely think that's pretty special."

"Yeah, I guess your right Mom. I love my brothers."

"And everybody loves you. You always remember that."

"Yep, everybody loves Ty."

Of course, this all went down with me crying like a babbling baby. About two words into it I lost my control.  It's not my pain that causes the tears, it was seeing my baby hurting. I don't want him to hurt. I don't want him to hold onto anger over who did what to who.  The situation is what it is. I want him to be happy, and he can't be happy if he's angry.

I know this is only the tip of the iceberg. I'm sure it's the first of many conversations and explanations. I dread it. I just pray God will help me find the words to help him understand and to work through it.

Want A Job Here? Read This First!

My day job (you know the one that actually attempts to pay the bills) is as an office manager for a  railroad construction company. It is increasingly stressful, although I am not sure whether it is the job that is changing or myself. More likely it is a combination of both.  Anyway, that's a topic for a whole other day.

I seriously don't feel like going into to a bunch of shite describing my workplace dynamics and all of those involved, so I'm gonna just jump to the punch.

I have spent the last two days attempting to hire some new laborers.  This is not uncommon, as we have an extremely high employee turnover rate and I often get stuck with this responsibility.  Unfortunately, I would  rather do anything other than this. Almost.

I find this task excruciatingly painful and increasingly more difficult to even be civil. Remember this is coming from someone who quickly managed to learn how not only be civil but friendly (and mean it) to her ex and Etc. I'm sure some people will think I'm just being lazy, moody, bitchy or just a poor employee. Maybe I am, but you seriously have no idea what I have to deal with and I am not good enough of a writer to put it into words.

In an attempt to get out of this unenjoyable little task, I have been sitting here making a list of several arguments that I thought were rather convincing. At least at first.  Unfortunately, after a second thought or so I realized that I would be the only one convinced. So, if I can't get out of it then maybe I can possibly make it a little more bearable.

I created this MEMO to hand out to anyone wishing to apply for a job here. I think it will help, don't you?

___________________________________________________________________________________
MEMO
To: All Applicants
From: The Witch Behind the Desk

Tips & Tricks to Help Obtain Employment Here

1) Please write legibly. If I cannot read your name or phone number, what do you seriously think your chances of getting a job are? I can't even call you for griefs sake!

2) Read the Job Requirements Page. Attached to your application is a smartly written FAQ page. It will answer Most of your questions. And yes they do apply to you. 

3) Yes, the job does require travel out of town. It says so right there on that little FAQ page. Also, the last time I checked they took ALL of the tracks out of this area back in the 80's. Soooo, unless Doc Brown and Marty show up with the Delorian, we won't be working on those.

4) The application is short for a reason. Do not struggle over the application. I have made it as short as possible. I seldom bother with contacts or references, unless I know them personally.  Chances are that a personal reference is your tokin' buddy from way back anyway and businesses are so legally tongue-tied that if they have a bad reference to give, they most often wont. So I usually don't bother. I really only care whether you can pass a background check and drug test.  The rest you can prove to your foreman and super.

5) The App plainly states that we only hire laborers for a reason. It is because we Only Hire Laborers. I don't care how many years you say you have working for another company. Again, I say prove it to your foreman and super. If your worth what you say, you will quickly be noticed.

6) Don't get P.O.'d at me because you can't pass the background check. It wasn't me that had anything to do with your drug and assault charges.  I didn't put that on you, so don't put it on me.  If you can't pass the background check to enter the properties we work on, we obviously don't need you.

7) If you can't pass the Drug Test, Please, Please, PLEASE Don't Waste My Time! Seriously. I won't buy whatever story your selling. I don't care if you have prescriptions. It doesn't matter. You Can Not work while under the influence. Whether RX or No! I have heard every blue-blazing, cock-and-bull story over the last 7 years, so save it. If you fail a pre-emp test for me, your name goes on a Do Not Hire list. End of Story.

8) Flattery will get you everything. Except a Job. I am not an empty headed girl. I know false compliments and sugar coated B.S. when I hear it. No matter how many times you call me honey, sweetie, or sugar, and yes I have been told I was beautiful and have even been told that I was "da bomb"; it will not affect my vision to properly read your drug test.  FYI, your rotten teeth and skin sores are a giveaway that your lying about having "never tried Meth in your life".

9) I learn more about you from what you say than what you put on your app. You really left your last two jobs because you hurt your back(or your arm or foot, or whatever)? You are openly telling me that? You quit at the (fill in blank w/ easy-as-pie job) because you couldn't get along with your boss? You haven't had a job for several years? ...... GEEZ

10) Please Do Not Touch My Stuff. The paperwork and items on my desk are not conversation starters. It's what I was diligently working on before I was stuck with the crappy task of hiring you. Please do not touch, pick up, try to read, or ask me questions about anything on my desk. It is confidential and it is rude! I mean seriously, some of this should have been things your Mama taught ya. 

10) You do know this is a small town, right?  I may not know everyone who lives around here, but I know ALOT of people. Especially my age and older. Just because you may not know or recognize me, it doesn't mean I don't know you or your reputation. Please keep that in mind if your the guy who stole my four-wheeler back in '02.

11)Cheese and Wine may go well together, but we don't serve it here. The more you whine about "how bad you really need this job" and how "you would do anything, no matter how hard, and you will always be available, and you just really, really have to have this job", the more I am convinced that you will either Not show up at all or last only a couple of days.

FINALLY, Just a 'lil bit more.
If you really feel as though you Must bring your Mother, Wife, GF or even grandmother with you when you fill out your application or during the hiring process. Could you please, ever so sweetly ask them (and I mean this with the utmost respect) could you ask them to wear a bra? It makes me feel like I should take pics and submit them to PowM.com and it's a bit overwhelming. Thanks.

Memorial Weekend

I hope everyone enjoyed the holiday weekend.

I stayed busy attending my 'lil cousin's (he's 6'8" or somethin, lol) high school graduation, 3 different cookouts and ofcourse completing the usual weekend yard maintenance. I was very thankful for that extra day. I needed it.

BTW - Big Congrats T! Good Luck! (He signed to play basketball for EKU next year! YEAH!)

Now it's back to the real world. Yuck! Atleast it's a short work week!

His First Last Day of School :(

I am such a dork. I can not believe that I am  actually emotional over this but, I guess I am.  Today, is Ty's last day of school this year. His FIRST, last day of school.

On the surface that should be a good thing. Meaning, he has many more last days of school, Right? You would think so but, for my hormonal roller coaster of a brain, it means he already has 1 year behind him.  It means he will be in Kindergarten in just a few short months.  I just can't believe how fast this year has gone by and that means he is growing up waaayyy too fast.

When I hold him in my lap when we read or sometimes when I just sit and watch him sleep, I don't see a school boy.  I see is the smoothness of his skin, and the baby fat that rounds his features. I see chubby hands and fingers. I see a baby. My baby. 

This parenting thing is oodles tougher than anyone ever let on.  I can handle the discipline side to parenting, and the worries, and the work, and the sacrifices.  For me, the hardest part is feeling a love so deep and so true fill up my heart until I don't think I can stand it any longer. My heart feels as though it may burst at any moment. It not only takes my breath away, it takes away the ability to breathe.  It overwhelms me. 

Actually, it pretty much just scares the crap out of me.

Field Trip Day!!! Yeah!! ....... and a lil' somethin' else!

I just got back from Ty's first Field Trip.  It was nice. Although, it was only a few miles from home at a local state park that we visit quite frequently already; they had arranged for a "Stream Stomp" guided by a Park Ranger, and that was neat.  The "Stream Stomp" actually consisted of the kids trying to catch creek critters with a small net and a jar.  I think a few accomplished that with help, but mostly a bunch of kids got really wet.


I got a chance to visit with some of the other parents, some of whom I already knew and some I didn't.  Like I said, it was nice.

Enough about that though.....

I just read the funniest article on Today Moms a few minutes ago and I want to share it here:

(Just FYI, I am posting it in whole so I don't violate any copyright stuff. Everybody should get thier credit here.)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When "Goodnight Moon" just isn't cutting it... one dad and novelist has written a bedtime story to warm the hearts of sleep-deprived parents everywhere: "Go the F@#k to Sleep."

By Kristin Kalning, TODAY Moms contributor

Most parents can recall a particularly dark and dreadful night when their little one just wouldn’t go to sleep. And most parents have uttered -- in their heads, or under their breath – a frustrated profanity about it. Novelist and dad Adam Mansbach did one better: He wrote a children’s book called "Go the F--- to Sleep."


Here’s a sample:
“The cats nestle close to their kittens.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear
Please go the f@#k to sleep.”

Now before you call Child Protective Services, let’s be clear: This book is written and illustrated in the tradition of a child’s bedtime book, but it’s not at all meant for kids.  (It says so on the back cover.) The book, which alternates lilting verse with, well, profane reality, is aimed squarely at parents.

“Hopefully, the book is very reflective of what we all feel putting our kids to bed,” Mansbach told TODAY Moms. “We all love our kids – it’s not like we stop loving our kids – but as the minutes tick by, we’ll do anything to get out of that room.”

Mansbach isn’t just another foul-mouthed, wannabe writer – he’s an acclaimed and accomplished author. He’s a visiting professor of fiction at Rutgers University.

But as any good fiction teacher will tell you, you’ve gotta write what you know. And last summer, Mansbach knew that it was taking for-freaking-ever to get his 2-year-old daughter, Vivien, to go the f@#ck to sleep. He posted an exasperated lament on Facebook, and his friends told him to write a book. So he did.

“Go the F@#k to Sleep” just went to print, so I got a personal, over-the-phone reading from the author. It’s laugh-out-loud funny, capturing perfectly the seemingly endless bedtime routine all parents have endured: the requests for one more story, a glass of water, another bathroom trip, a different teddy bear. It juxtaposes the sweet words we say to our kids on such a night with what we’re really thinking in our heads.

Mansbach hopes people will not only relate to the book, but get some relief from it, too. Despite the “tremendous culture of parenting,” there’s a lot that doesn’t get talked about, he said.

“Hopefully, the honesty of this book will open up the conversation. These are legitimate ways that we feel, and we should laugh about it, and be honest about these tribulations.”

These days, Mansbach’s daughter is a pretty darned good sleeper. “I would like to think that writing this book solved her sleep problems,” he said with a laugh.

“Go the F@#k to Sleep,” from Akashic Books, comes out on Oct. 11. It’s already in the top 300 on Amazon.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I LOVE IT!  I swear I think I wrote this book in my head a hundred times, when Ty was younger. 

Unfortunately, I didn't think to cash in on it. lol  As usual.  

Anyway, I enjoyed a good laugh, and thought you all might too.  Even if it is at the expense of others, and just maybe with a sigh of relief that those days seem to be over in our house.

Knock on wood.

It's Kinda-Like a Compliment, Right?

Yesterday evening after Ty's karate class, I told him he could play on the Wii for 30 minutes while I did a few things.  I quickly layed out our clothes for today, packed his lunch and signed the permission slip for his class trip on Thursday.  Just as I was sneaking off to my room to stretch out with a book for a few minutes, I heard the t.v. turn off.  That's unusual, I thought. Although he agreeably turns it off when I tell him his time is up, I have seen evidence that he would play around the clock if given the opportunity.  Hence the 30 min. time limit.

I paused and sure enough he was headed my way.

Me: What's up?

Ty: Nothing. I just decided I didn't want to play for the rest of my 30 minutes.

Me: Why?

Ty: Cause I just want to cuddle with you Mommy.

Me: Are you sick? Is your belly hurting?

Ty: Nope, I'm fine. I just want to cuddle. BEFORE we read tonight.

Me: OK, come on then.

He crawls up in my lap on the couch and I take this opportunity to talk to him about his day.  As he is talking to me, he starts playing with my hair as he often does.  After a few minutes I can tell that he is more fascinated with my hair than having an actual conversation.  I just sit quietly as he "fixes" it in to a curly mess on top of my head.

Ty:  (smiling) Momma, I wish you were more beautifuler.

Me: (smiling) So do I kiddo.

Mothers's Day

I certainly hope that every had as wonderful a Mother's Day as I did!!!

I'm such a mush-melon.  I spent all day admiring what a wonderful perfect little boy I have. 

Well at least the parts where I wasn't trying to get him to quit stalling and get dressed or he'd be late for Sunday School, or begging him to quit whining in the car about not watching his Scooby-Doo movie, or cleaning up the Sweet Tea he spilled on me at Ruby Tuesdays. I wasn't keeping count, I promise!

Ha ha, no seriously.  I have been greatly blessed. I know this and I really do often marvel at his pert-near perfectness.  He has such a kind heart, a handsome face, and a charming and funny personality.  I am totally wrapped.

This realization, as many do, brings me to yet another realization.

Several years ago, after my Dad passed away,  I was visiting his (my Dad's)  BFF .  At some point during our conversation he commented on how "we (my sister and I) had our Dad wrapped around our little fingers". He said "of course he would never admit it, but it was as noticeable as a flashing billboard".

I remember laughing at the absurdity of his suggestion.  I'm supposed to believe this about the man who could strike instant fear with a look. The same man who, when he said "no", you Did Not beg and plead or whine and cry. You accepted his answer and moved on. Yeah right, I wish. 

Now as a Mother, I realize that sometimes Love makes you say "no" and it is often the reason we do so many of the perceived "mean" things we do. Fear inducing looks are excellent at correcting bad behavior and I find myself teaching Ty not to argue when told no...... because it hurts to see your child unhappy.  I look back now and realize that his firm hand in raising us actually had more to do with Love than with discipline.

Yes, I guess he really was wrapped.

Now, Now! Before you go thinking that I've turned this Mother's Day post into a Father's Day tribute, I will tell you one of THE best things about my Dad.......................

........................He was smart enough to marry my Mom!!!!

I love you Mom! Thank you for everything! I don't have to walk down memory lane for you, because we are lucky enough to still be making them!!