So sorry that I've been mostly MIA for two weeks. I still can't believe how hard this surgery has been on me. I've been working half days this week trying to get back into a regular routine, but after 5 or 6 hours up and about, I'm am exhausted.
I had my 1st post-op followup on Wednesday and the Doc was thrilled with my healing and how well I'm moving around. I couldn't help thinking that if I'm doing that well then I truly feel sorry for everyone else. I admit I am moving around pretty well though. It's just getting tired that sucks so bad. Of course I'm sure most people probably wouldn't be stretching themselves so thin by returning to work so soon, but I just can't help myself. The guilt that I plague myself with when I'm not here is much, much worse than the exhaustion. :)
Now I am ready to get back on track with my blog. I've really missed it, but I've been entirely too tired to even think rationally let alone publish anything in writing. Seriously, I paid two bills last week when I got home, and then SEVERAL days later realized I had mailed them WITHOUT the checks. Crazy, huh?
During my recovery, my wonderful sister stayed with me for a while. During this stay, we came up with an idea to train for a 5K! I was on pain medication. I'm not sure what her excuse is. ;-)
My sister is already an avid walker and I have managed to work myself back up to 1 1/2 miles since my surgery. Currently our plan is to officially begin training after my 6 week recovery is up. She is already jogging a little bit, but I am going to continue to increase my endurance while walking until then. Right now the mile and half is about all I can handle. After that I start getting sore.
I'm super pumped about this idea!! Its something I've always wanted to do, but never got around to. Or never made it a priority rather. Training with my sister will be great. Even though we are 6 hours apart, it will still give us some accountability and push us to train a little harder.
Now we just have to pick our 5K and push ourselves to our goal.
If you know of a 5K being planned for Spring 2012 somewhere between KY and NC, let me know!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
The 7th Day of Recovery
WOW Guys! I totally didn't expect to be out of the loop for so long. This is Day 7, since my surgery, but it's the 1ST day that I've been able to function.
As a matter of fact, I came home on Sunday, and I set down to pay a few bills, but I discovered a few minutes ago that I totally hosed that up. lol
The best I can figure is that I sent two bills in ... WITHOUT THE CHECKS!! :(
Seriously! The bigger problem is that I'm not sure which two they were. lol.... I'm going to have to call in a little bit and see which out of the three actually received a check. GEEZ!
I figured this out when I went to write my Mom a check this morning to pick me up some stuff while she was out. So, I went to write it down in the register and realize there was a check not accounted for. Then I realize I hadn't written down any of the bills I paid. Sooo, 1 check and three bills. Therefore I conclude I only sent one bill in with payment.
Anyway, I'll figure that out.
Just wanted to drop by and let you know that the surgery is over and behind me now and I am on the slow road to recovery.
I'll be back to posting relevant topics soon, soon, soon. I promise!
As a matter of fact, I came home on Sunday, and I set down to pay a few bills, but I discovered a few minutes ago that I totally hosed that up. lol
The best I can figure is that I sent two bills in ... WITHOUT THE CHECKS!! :(
Seriously! The bigger problem is that I'm not sure which two they were. lol.... I'm going to have to call in a little bit and see which out of the three actually received a check. GEEZ!
I figured this out when I went to write my Mom a check this morning to pick me up some stuff while she was out. So, I went to write it down in the register and realize there was a check not accounted for. Then I realize I hadn't written down any of the bills I paid. Sooo, 1 check and three bills. Therefore I conclude I only sent one bill in with payment.
Anyway, I'll figure that out.
Just wanted to drop by and let you know that the surgery is over and behind me now and I am on the slow road to recovery.
I'll be back to posting relevant topics soon, soon, soon. I promise!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
The Night Before Surgery
My surgery is scheduled for bright and early for in the morning. At the rate I'm going it looks like I may still be up because of this colon cleansing nonsense. Geez. I don't think it will ever wear off.
Just wanted to stop by and say hi. Gripe about the "poo med" and let you know that it might be a day or two before I post again.
But for those of you who may be wondering. I'm still holding it together.
For the most part.
And it appears that I might actually do this, this time.
Seriously, I ask that each of you add me to your prayers.
I'll be back in no time!
Just wanted to stop by and say hi. Gripe about the "poo med" and let you know that it might be a day or two before I post again.
But for those of you who may be wondering. I'm still holding it together.
For the most part.
And it appears that I might actually do this, this time.
Seriously, I ask that each of you add me to your prayers.
I'll be back in no time!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Reflect on This
A few weeks ago, I wrote about Ty as my reflection. How he was imitating me while we were brushing our teeth. Then I went on to express how that thought stressed me out and I was soooo sure that I was screwing up his entire life.
Well, OK I didn't really go into all that so much, as I just vaguely mentioned the enormous pressure I was feeling that he might actually be learning things from me. You know, by example. Eeek!
Well, today I experienced the yin to that yang.
I arrived to pick him up from school a little early today. As I was waiting patiently for class to be over, I could observe him through the door. I find it so strange, yet a little amazing, to watch him when he doesn't know I'm there. I find its slightly uncomfortable to realize that he is a separate entity from me, as well. That he walks, and talks and thinks, and reasons and makes decisions all by himself.
During this rare and brief moment, this is what I saw: I watched him interact with other children. I saw his personality bloom while making a joke with a friend. I watched him struggle with a problem on his worksheet, then boldly get up to go ask the teacher to help him. I watched his face light up as she helped him to figure it out. I watched him be himself.
Be himself. All by himself.
He did all of that without me.
My child leads a life that is totally separate from me?!
I gave him life (his Dad and God may have had a little something to do with it too, but that's irrelevant to this discussion).
I gave him life, but he has taken it and made it his own.
Its so perfect and so heartbreaking at the same time.
My son, my beautiful son, who once needed me for everything just to simply survive, can do all of this on his own.
As he continues to grow, I'm sure he will change into someone I don't always understand. He will baffle me, he will confuse me and I'm sure he will, at some point, break my heart. (You better not kiddo!)
Nonetheless, I will always love him more than anything in the whole wide world.
Well, OK I didn't really go into all that so much, as I just vaguely mentioned the enormous pressure I was feeling that he might actually be learning things from me. You know, by example. Eeek!
Well, today I experienced the yin to that yang.
I arrived to pick him up from school a little early today. As I was waiting patiently for class to be over, I could observe him through the door. I find it so strange, yet a little amazing, to watch him when he doesn't know I'm there. I find its slightly uncomfortable to realize that he is a separate entity from me, as well. That he walks, and talks and thinks, and reasons and makes decisions all by himself.
During this rare and brief moment, this is what I saw: I watched him interact with other children. I saw his personality bloom while making a joke with a friend. I watched him struggle with a problem on his worksheet, then boldly get up to go ask the teacher to help him. I watched his face light up as she helped him to figure it out. I watched him be himself.
Be himself. All by himself.
He did all of that without me.
My child leads a life that is totally separate from me?!
I gave him life (his Dad and God may have had a little something to do with it too, but that's irrelevant to this discussion).
I gave him life, but he has taken it and made it his own.
Its so perfect and so heartbreaking at the same time.
My son, my beautiful son, who once needed me for everything just to simply survive, can do all of this on his own.
As he continues to grow, I'm sure he will change into someone I don't always understand. He will baffle me, he will confuse me and I'm sure he will, at some point, break my heart. (You better not kiddo!)
Nonetheless, I will always love him more than anything in the whole wide world.
Totally Freaking Out
OK I've have written and deleted this post about FIFTEEN different times. I'm really struggling with it. I kept thinking it was just the stress related to my upcoming procedure, or that I'm just having trouble writing about such a personal topic (Yeah right. I laugh in the face of personal modesty and dignity.) Then I realized that wasn't the problem at all. The problem is that I have been trying to write this like I am a stable, rational thinking person. So in order to fix that,I've decided to just tackle it head on.
Like the crazy person I am (or at least feel like lately).
Wednesday morning was my Pre-op appointment. Although to most people that not be that significant, but for me that means I am on the final countdown to my surgery. *~*
I am such nervous wreck. Therefore I have been trying very hard to keep myself pre-occupied because...... well, because if I don't then I may seriously find myself camped out and hidden somewhere having a full-blown panic attack.
Wednesday evening was a Ty evening which also happened to coincide with the first day of school. So it wasn't very difficult to stay distracted. We ate dinner together and I tried to get Ty to tell me about his day. That was like pulling teeth as usual. I ask a question and he shrugs and mumbles an answer. (Typical male) Of course when he decide he WANTS to tell me something, I can't get him to hush (also typical male, lol)
After he went to bed I spent a while making a list of things I need to do before my surgery and a list of things I may need to take with me.
Thursday evening, I had dinner and margaritas with a couple of girlfriends. Then I spent four hours with Dessa at the mall and Walmart. I was so drained from the drinks and shopping that I just immediately crashed when I got home.
This weekend I painted an old bookcase I found in my moms attic and filled it with some of my favorite books. Then I made a living will and wrote out a list of important stuff like where to find all of my life insurance policies and checking and savings account info. I watch a couple of movies and crashed pretty early.
So as active and distracted as I've been trying to keep myself for the last few days, you would think that I would be doing a good job staying calm or at least not focusing on being a paranoid crazy freak.
The truth is that as I am typing this I am completely freaking out. I feel like I could simultaneously vomit and hyperventilate. I'm light headed and nauseous.
Why?
Well, because I'M GOING TO DIE!!!
Yes, that is actually what I keep thinking. I am going to die. Next Thursday. During my surgery. Somehow.
The only rational thought that seems to be getting through is the fact that I was totally convinced I was not going to survive my pregnancy and c-section either. I had it in my head that God's only purpose for me was to deliver this boy into the world and then my job would be done. And that ( obviously) didn't happen.
I know that this sounds like crazy talk. And I guess it was/is. I knew the complications and risks of my pregnancy. They were HUGE. Being convinced that it was going to happen was, in a way, my coping mechanism. It was easier to believe and accept it than to fear and fight against the unknown.
That mechanism isn't going to work this time. All I think about is leaving my son behind. I was 21 when my Dad died and I STILL needed him. Ty is only 5 so I know he still needs me.
Yep, I feel that I am on the edge of panic and the ground is slipping quickly.
I'm fighting the need to run full speed, screaming at the top of my lungs until I don't feel this fear anymore,
**** I just want to sleep. I want to crawl in bed and sleep until my surgery. I can't panic if I'm sleeping. Right?*****
I'm sorry to throw all of this out there, but I figure you all are much better equipped to deal with this stuff than I am right now. :-)
Please everyone, pray for me. I'm so goof-headed right now I can't even concentrate enough in one straight line to pray for myself. I get distracted thinking about DYING DURING MY SURGERY that I realize thirty minutes later that I didn't get much further than, "Dear Lord, Thank you for everything you do for me............." before my mind and imagination went AWOL.
Like the crazy person I am (or at least feel like lately).
Wednesday morning was my Pre-op appointment. Although to most people that not be that significant, but for me that means I am on the final countdown to my surgery. *~*
I am such nervous wreck. Therefore I have been trying very hard to keep myself pre-occupied because...... well, because if I don't then I may seriously find myself camped out and hidden somewhere having a full-blown panic attack.
Wednesday evening was a Ty evening which also happened to coincide with the first day of school. So it wasn't very difficult to stay distracted. We ate dinner together and I tried to get Ty to tell me about his day. That was like pulling teeth as usual. I ask a question and he shrugs and mumbles an answer. (Typical male) Of course when he decide he WANTS to tell me something, I can't get him to hush (also typical male, lol)
After he went to bed I spent a while making a list of things I need to do before my surgery and a list of things I may need to take with me.
Thursday evening, I had dinner and margaritas with a couple of girlfriends. Then I spent four hours with Dessa at the mall and Walmart. I was so drained from the drinks and shopping that I just immediately crashed when I got home.
This weekend I painted an old bookcase I found in my moms attic and filled it with some of my favorite books. Then I made a living will and wrote out a list of important stuff like where to find all of my life insurance policies and checking and savings account info. I watch a couple of movies and crashed pretty early.
So as active and distracted as I've been trying to keep myself for the last few days, you would think that I would be doing a good job staying calm or at least not focusing on being a paranoid crazy freak.
The truth is that as I am typing this I am completely freaking out. I feel like I could simultaneously vomit and hyperventilate. I'm light headed and nauseous.
Why?
Well, because I'M GOING TO DIE!!!
Yes, that is actually what I keep thinking. I am going to die. Next Thursday. During my surgery. Somehow.
The only rational thought that seems to be getting through is the fact that I was totally convinced I was not going to survive my pregnancy and c-section either. I had it in my head that God's only purpose for me was to deliver this boy into the world and then my job would be done. And that ( obviously) didn't happen.
I know that this sounds like crazy talk. And I guess it was/is. I knew the complications and risks of my pregnancy. They were HUGE. Being convinced that it was going to happen was, in a way, my coping mechanism. It was easier to believe and accept it than to fear and fight against the unknown.
That mechanism isn't going to work this time. All I think about is leaving my son behind. I was 21 when my Dad died and I STILL needed him. Ty is only 5 so I know he still needs me.
Yep, I feel that I am on the edge of panic and the ground is slipping quickly.
I'm fighting the need to run full speed, screaming at the top of my lungs until I don't feel this fear anymore,
**** I just want to sleep. I want to crawl in bed and sleep until my surgery. I can't panic if I'm sleeping. Right?*****
I'm sorry to throw all of this out there, but I figure you all are much better equipped to deal with this stuff than I am right now. :-)
Please everyone, pray for me. I'm so goof-headed right now I can't even concentrate enough in one straight line to pray for myself. I get distracted thinking about DYING DURING MY SURGERY that I realize thirty minutes later that I didn't get much further than, "Dear Lord, Thank you for everything you do for me............." before my mind and imagination went AWOL.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Texted Sisters and Shakespeare?
Yet another text between my sister and myself while she was home last week. I was still at work (obviously) and she was waiting "patiently" at home for my return.
Purple: I wish you were here already.
Me: Me too pookie poo, but alas, it is not to be................. :(
Purple: **sigh**
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Texted Sisters and Fun with Fonix
My sister lives far, far away in a magical place called Greensboro, NC. I wish she and my fave Bro-N-Law were closer, but it is not to be. To stay in touch, we text each other a lot. And I do mean a lot. We are very close to have had so much distance between us for the last 15 years.
Some of our texts are just us goofing off, and I just wanted to share the texts we were sending to each other last week while they were driving up for the weekend.
For #1- I have nothing else momentous to share to today and #2- I think they're funny.
Some of our texts are just us goofing off, and I just wanted to share the texts we were sending to each other last week while they were driving up for the weekend.
For #1- I have nothing else momentous to share to today and #2- I think they're funny.
Texted Sisters:
Purple (aka Sister): (9:44 am) whats up slut
Me: (9:46 am) I will tell u when u quit calling me bad names..... that's emotional abuse and i don't want none
Purple: (9:47 am) OK crybaby
Purple: (9:48 am) i cant wait to abuse you in person (insert evil laugh here)
Me:(9:48 am) Im more of a whiny ass than a crybaby thank u very much
e
Purple: (9:49) well i love you :)
Me: (9:55 am) Just remember i can punch harder than you and if u get 2 carried away i will just sit on u and make ty tickle ur feet :-p (thats me sticking my tongue out at u. Im also waggling my fingers by my ears but i dont no the emoticon for that)
Me: (9:55 am) i luv u 2 pook...... r u on the road yet? cant wait 2 c u
Purple: (9:57 am) left around 8, we should b there around 2ish
Me: (9:59 am) Awesome.... i will be at moms aftr work... so b sure to visit with her so when i get there u all will b all mine!!
Purple ( 9:59 am) will do
Purple: (1:24pm) the name of your 80s band should be "lynn at work"
Me: (1:30pm) lol do i get big hair??
Purple: (1:31pm) fo sho ho
Me: (1:32pm) Awesome! Im game! but quit calling me names u Vermicious Knid
Purple: (1:34pm) i cant believe u knew how to spell that. ur as smart as a snozwanger
Me: (1:38pm) hey im not the one who is phonetically challenged. That would b u my little princeASS.....hehehe
Purple: (1:38) hillbilly
Purple: ( 1:39pm) white trash
Me: (1:45pm) hey just cuz i got bleached hair and say words like "ain't" and "cain't" dont make me white trash.
Me: (1:48pm) u can call me hillbilly tho, i think it sounds kinda cuddly and lovable.... makes me think of sittin in a rockin' chair on grandmas front porch watchin the sun go down........ ahhhhh... peaceful....
Purple: (1:50pm) lmao... ur such a goofball lol....cya soon
Me: (1:59) kk....but there u go with that name callin agin...ill ne'er git u learnt
Purple (2:01) :-))
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