A few weeks ago, I wrote about Ty as my reflection. How he was imitating me while we were brushing our teeth. Then I went on to express how that thought stressed me out and I was soooo sure that I was screwing up his entire life.
Well, OK I didn't really go into all that so much, as I just vaguely mentioned the enormous pressure I was feeling that he might actually be learning things from me. You know, by example. Eeek!
Well, today I experienced the yin to that yang.
I arrived to pick him up from school a little early today. As I was waiting patiently for class to be over, I could observe him through the door. I find it so strange, yet a little amazing, to watch him when he doesn't know I'm there. I find its slightly uncomfortable to realize that he is a separate entity from me, as well. That he walks, and talks and thinks, and reasons and makes decisions all by himself.
During this rare and brief moment, this is what I saw: I watched him interact with other children. I saw his personality bloom while making a joke with a friend. I watched him struggle with a problem on his worksheet, then boldly get up to go ask the teacher to help him. I watched his face light up as she helped him to figure it out. I watched him be himself.
Be himself. All by himself.
He did all of that without me.
My child leads a life that is totally separate from me?!
I gave him life (his Dad and God may have had a little something to do with it too, but that's irrelevant to this discussion).
I gave him life, but he has taken it and made it his own.
Its so perfect and so heartbreaking at the same time.
My son, my beautiful son, who once needed me for everything just to simply survive, can do all of this on his own.
As he continues to grow, I'm sure he will change into someone I don't always understand. He will baffle me, he will confuse me and I'm sure he will, at some point, break my heart. (You better not kiddo!)
Nonetheless, I will always love him more than anything in the whole wide world.
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