In Loving Memory



A watercolor i did of my Dad in 1994, and a pencil drawing
 of Ty that I completed in 2008.

I'm sad today. Yes, sad.  That's the best word to describe how I feel. 

September 19, 1997 is a day that is engraved in my memory. I can recall almost every minute of that day. 

September 19, 1997.  The day my Dad died.  He was 52 years old. I was 21.

In other posts I have touched on how I not so well coped with his death. (Actually a quick scan of my archives tells me I never published any of those, which is for the best.  They're usually not well articulated or sometimes even rational.  No one needs to try to read that.)

Anywho, It took years to get to just 'sad'.  Today, I'm not going to talk about any of that. Today, I'm going to share a poem I wrote in September 2007, the ten year anniversary of his passing.

The weather is turning colder

and the trees are mostly bare.

'Nother Yule Tide log will smolder;

'nother year you won't be there.

The holidays are nearing,

and OH how they come so fast.

It seems I've only turned around,

yet nine of them have past.

Traditions have long since faded,

for they were only done in vain.

And time has failed to offer us

any distance from the pain.

'Tho a thousand hurts have plagued me,

and there'll be hundreds more.

One ache still breaks my heart,

and will forever more.

His eyes, blue, like the clearest sky

with dreams that are just as bright.

I try to teach him everything,

and help him choose what's right.

And 'tho he'll never hold your hand,

or hear your chuckling laugh.

I pray that I can guide him

along the footsteps in your path.

Your body is long gone now,

But to me your legacy remains.

And I vow that in the end, my son will know,

More than just your name.

~Lynn M. Henderson September 2007

**Still missing you after all this time, Dad.**

Reflect on This

A few weeks ago, I wrote about Ty as my reflection.  How he was imitating me while we were brushing our teeth. Then I went on to express how that thought stressed me out and I was soooo sure that I was screwing up his entire life. 


Well, OK I didn't really go into all that so much,  as I just vaguely mentioned the enormous pressure I was feeling that he might actually be learning things from me.  You know, by example.  Eeek!

Well, today I experienced the yin to that yang.

I arrived to pick him up from school a little early today.  As I was waiting patiently for class to be over, I could observe him through the door.  I find it so strange, yet a little amazing, to watch him when he doesn't know I'm there.  I find its slightly uncomfortable to realize that he is a separate entity from me, as well.  That he walks, and talks and thinks, and reasons and makes decisions all by himself. 

During this rare and brief moment, this is what I saw:   I watched him interact with other children. I saw his personality bloom while making a joke with a friend.  I watched him struggle with a problem on his worksheet, then boldly get up to go ask the teacher to help him.  I watched his face light up as she helped him to figure it out.   I watched him be himself.

Be himself. All by himself. 

He did all of that without me. 

My child leads a life that is totally separate from me?!

I gave him life (his Dad and God may have had a little something to do with it too, but that's irrelevant to this discussion). 

I gave him life,  but he has taken it and made it his own.

Its so perfect and so heartbreaking at the same time.

My son, my beautiful son, who once needed me for everything just to simply survive, can do all of this on his own.

As he continues to grow, I'm sure he will change into someone I don't always understand.  He will baffle me, he will confuse me and I'm sure he will, at some point, break my heart. (You better not kiddo!) 

Nonetheless, I will always love him more than anything in the whole wide world.

Texted Sisters and Fun with Fonix

My sister lives far, far away in a magical place called Greensboro, NC.  I wish she and my fave Bro-N-Law were closer, but it is not to be.  To stay in touch, we text each other a lot.  And I do mean a lot.  We are very close to have had so much distance between us for the last 15 years.

Some of our texts are just us goofing off, and I just wanted to share the texts we were sending to each other last week while they were driving up for the weekend.
For #1- I have nothing else momentous to share to today and #2- I think they're funny.

Texted Sisters:

Purple (aka Sister): (9:44 am)  whats up slut

Me: (9:46 am) I will tell u when u quit calling me bad names..... that's emotional abuse and i don't want none

Purple: (9:47 am) OK crybaby

Purple: (9:48 am) i cant wait to abuse you in person (insert evil laugh here)

Me:(9:48 am) Im more of a whiny ass than a crybaby thank u very much
e
Purple:  (9:49) well i love you :)

Me: (9:55 am) Just remember i can punch harder than you and if u get 2 carried away i will just sit on u and make ty tickle ur feet :-p (thats me sticking my tongue out at u. Im also waggling my fingers by my ears but i dont no the emoticon for that)

Me: (9:55 am) i luv u 2 pook...... r u on the road yet? cant wait 2 c u

Purple: (9:57 am) left around 8, we should b there around 2ish

Me: (9:59 am) Awesome.... i will be at moms aftr work... so b sure to visit with her so when i get there u all will b all mine!!

Purple ( 9:59 am) will do

Purple: (1:24pm)  the name of your 80s band should be "lynn at work"

Me: (1:30pm) lol do i get big hair??

Purple: (1:31pm) fo sho ho

Me: (1:32pm) Awesome! Im game! but quit calling me names u Vermicious Knid

Purple: (1:34pm) i cant believe u knew how to spell that. ur as smart as a snozwanger

Me: (1:38pm) hey im not the one who is phonetically challenged. That would b u my little princeASS.....hehehe

Purple: (1:38) hillbilly

Purple: ( 1:39pm) white trash

Me: (1:45pm)  hey just cuz i got bleached hair and say words like "ain't" and "cain't" dont make me white trash.

Me: (1:48pm) u can call me hillbilly tho, i think it sounds kinda cuddly and lovable.... makes me think of sittin in a rockin' chair on grandmas front porch watchin the sun go down........ ahhhhh... peaceful....

Purple: (1:50pm)   lmao... ur such a goofball lol....cya soon

Me: (1:59)  kk....but there u go with that name callin agin...ill ne'er git u learnt

Purple (2:01)      :-)) 

 

Family Ties

This week one of my favorite aunts is visiting. She was married to my Mom's brother, but they have been divorced for approx. 17 years.  Almost 1/2 of my life.

So is she really still my aunt?

OF COURSE SHE IS!!!

I'd probably pick her over my uncle anyday!! Well not really, I'd just have to play Switzerland and remain neutral. He is my uncle and I do love him, I just don't know him as well as I do her.  He is one of those uber geniuses. As a bio-medical engineer he invented some stuff. Stuff thats way over my head or I'd tell you about it.  And to give props where they are due, it was his job and genius-ness that allowed her to be able to load the kids up and SPEND the entire summer here.

Anyway, it also means that he worked alot.  That kind of schedule is not very condusive for bonding with your niece, obviously.

But SHE did.

They always lived in Massachusetts, but every summer when school was out, she would load up her kids and come to the family farm here in KY. 

I spent every summer that I can remember, until thier divorce (which was also about the time I graduated H.S.), on that farm with her and her kids.  She took us water-skiing, let us sleep outside on an old hay trailer, have a camp fire and roast marshmallows nearly every night, she took us to horse shows and fed us funnel cakes. 

It is because of her that I developed a love for Early American History.  During the weeks that we would visit them, she would relentlessly drag us all over New England. (Salem was always my favorite. I STILL have to go there every time I visit.)  She exuberantly took us to experience as many places, and things as we could squeeze into our 7-10 day trips. I've seen Cheers (the real one), had my picture taken in the Pillory, saw Plymouth Rock, toured the Mayflower replica, took part in a Tea Party reinactment (no not this new polictical Tea Party, I mean tea being thrown over into the bay) and walked (yes walked) Paul Revere's Ride.

When her Mother was first diagnosed with Alzheimers; her daughter, my sister and myself were often put on what we lovingly referred to as "Gramsie Duty". We would stay with her, just to kind of check behind her. We made sure she remembered to turn things off and other small safety precautions.

It wasn't just the fun stuff, she wouldn't hesitate to discipline us either. She would put us in line just as fast as she would one of her own. The same as my parents would hers. (Although, we were such unbelievably well-behaved children that that wasn't much of an issue.)

She knows my birthday and still sends me a card every year.  Im 35, AND SHE STILL SENDS ME A CARD!! That takes commitment. I mean, I barely remember to get my mom and sister a card for thier birthdays.

I will never forget, when my ex and I first separated she sent me some flowers with a simple note. She had them delivered to my work. It meant so much because she KNEW, first hand, my hurt.

All of these things are only the tip of the iceberg of course.  They are just the ones that Floated to the top while I was writing. She was an immensely huge part of my childhood and adolesence.

I pray, that should God bless me with a niece or nephew, that I can follow in her footsteps as an aunt.  I would be proud to be that person. There are so many things that I want to be when I grow up (wink, wink). Yet, this goal, is very near the top of my bucket list. It's right under SuperMom and directly above independently wealthy.


Divorce Sucks. It is so often a loss to everyone involved.

I am glad I didn't lose this time. Not really. Cuz.....

She IS my family. She is (and always will be) my Aunt Sue Ann.

And I love her.