How to Open A Can of Worms

STEP 1:  OPEN MOUTH

This conversation took place while I was helping Ty practice his karate.  We were working on his roundhouse kick and I (was not paying attention to where I was holding the pillow and) got kicked.

Ty:   Oops Sorry Mom, I didn't mean to kick you in the balls.

Me: (without thinking)    Girls don't have balls.

That sound you just heard. THAT was the sound of me opening a can of worms that I was not prepared for.

Ty:   That's what Dad said. But...... what DO girl's have?

Me:   Uh, ...... they have girl parts.

Oh yes, that's me. Always ready with smart, intelligent answers. I bet you all can't wait to get in line to give me an opportunity to educate YOUR child.

Ty:    What kind of girl parts?

Me: (Nervous, Sweating, and wishing I was anywhere but in the middle of this conversation.)  Uh... you know boys have a penis, and girls have...... well they...... well they don't have a penis, they have girl parts.

Yes, the answers just get better don't they.

Ty: (Just looks at me like I said 'water is wet'.)

Me:   OK, OK.  Here's the thing Ty. I've always said that if a child is old enough to ask, then they are old enough to know. I'm just not sure how much information is age appropriate for you and just EXACTLY how to explain it all. Sooooo, if you  PROMISE not to go around talking about this to anyone, ESPECIALLY your friends and Sunday School teachers, then we will talk about it.

Ty:    Why can't I talk about it?

Me:    Well, you can to me, and Grammy, and Daddy and Lilly.  Just not to other people who may not understand. Besides if you talk to other people about it, they may tell you things that are not true. So, if you have questions, then its best to talk to one of us. OK?

Ty:    OK, I won't.

Me:   Well, then as you know. Boys have a penis ...

Ty:     AND BALLS!

Me:    Yes, and balls, but they are really called scrotums, I think.  Anyway, they are on the outside. Right?

Ty:     (hesitantly)  They're on the inside of my underwear.

Me:   OH, no I mean they are on they OUTSIDE of your BODY.  You know they hang down. Right?

Ty:   Ohhhhh, yeah, your right Mom. Like your boobs?

Me:   (Awesome, the kid hits me with yet another esteem booster.)  Yeah I guess, but anyway, A Girl's part is called a Vagina and its more on the inside than the outside. 

Ty:  (Ponders this information for a few minutes.)  So why?

Me:   Why what?

Ty:    Why are boys and girls made different?

Me:   Because that's how God lets us make babies.

Ty:   Oh, OK.

WHACK!!!

(Roundhouse to the thigh.)

Ty: (Laughing hysterically)   Remember, your not supposed to let your guard down Mom.

Me:    Yeah, well your always catching me with my guard down.

Ty:    Don't worry Mom, I won't talk to anyone about a girl's  (slight pause).....Vegetable, or whatever you called it.

Me:   Good (and what I thought was under my breath) and don't think about taking up gardening either.

Ty:   Why would I want to be a gardener? (Thinks for a minute, and then said, laughingly) Oh vegetable!!! I get it!, You're so silly Mommy.

Me:  It's Vagina, Ty, NOT Vegetable.

So, now if you will excuse me, I am going to Amazon to find books on how to talk to kids about sex. Hopefully, I can educate myself before I do anymore damage.

 Do they make them for Kindergartners?

Might as well look for one on drugs and alcohol too.

Geez, they aren't exaggerating when they say they grow up fast!

COUNTDOWN TO MOVING DAY:
16 DAYS

NOTE TO SELF:  Do not make derogatory comments. Even when he doesn't get them, he gets them.