I am such a dork. I can not believe that I am actually emotional over this but, I guess I am. Today, is Ty's last day of school this year. His FIRST, last day of school.
On the surface that should be a good thing. Meaning, he has many more last days of school, Right? You would think so but, for my hormonal roller coaster of a brain, it means he already has 1 year behind him. It means he will be in Kindergarten in just a few short months. I just can't believe how fast this year has gone by and that means he is growing up waaayyy too fast.
When I hold him in my lap when we read or sometimes when I just sit and watch him sleep, I don't see a school boy. I see is the smoothness of his skin, and the baby fat that rounds his features. I see chubby hands and fingers. I see a baby. My baby.
This parenting thing is oodles tougher than anyone ever let on. I can handle the discipline side to parenting, and the worries, and the work, and the sacrifices. For me, the hardest part is feeling a love so deep and so true fill up my heart until I don't think I can stand it any longer. My heart feels as though it may burst at any moment. It not only takes my breath away, it takes away the ability to breathe. It overwhelms me.
Actually, it pretty much just scares the crap out of me.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Field Trip Day!!! Yeah!! ....... and a lil' somethin' else!
I just got back from Ty's first Field Trip. It was nice. Although, it was only a few miles from home at a local state park that we visit quite frequently already; they had arranged for a "Stream Stomp" guided by a Park Ranger, and that was neat. The "Stream Stomp" actually consisted of the kids trying to catch creek critters with a small net and a jar. I think a few accomplished that with help, but mostly a bunch of kids got really wet.
I got a chance to visit with some of the other parents, some of whom I already knew and some I didn't. Like I said, it was nice.
When "Goodnight Moon" just isn't cutting it... one dad and novelist has written a bedtime story to warm the hearts of sleep-deprived parents everywhere: "Go the F@#k to Sleep."
Most parents can recall a particularly dark and dreadful night when their little one just wouldn’t go to sleep. And most parents have uttered -- in their heads, or under their breath – a frustrated profanity about it. Novelist and dad Adam Mansbach did one better: He wrote a children’s book called "Go the F--- to Sleep."
Here’s a sample:
“The cats nestle close to their kittens.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear
Please go the f@#k to sleep.”
Now before you call Child Protective Services, let’s be clear: This book is written and illustrated in the tradition of a child’s bedtime book, but it’s not at all meant for kids. (It says so on the back cover.) The book, which alternates lilting verse with, well, profane reality, is aimed squarely at parents.
“Hopefully, the book is very reflective of what we all feel putting our kids to bed,” Mansbach told TODAY Moms. “We all love our kids – it’s not like we stop loving our kids – but as the minutes tick by, we’ll do anything to get out of that room.”
Mansbach isn’t just another foul-mouthed, wannabe writer – he’s an acclaimed and accomplished author. He’s a visiting professor of fiction at Rutgers University.
But as any good fiction teacher will tell you, you’ve gotta write what you know. And last summer, Mansbach knew that it was taking for-freaking-ever to get his 2-year-old daughter, Vivien, to go the f@#ck to sleep. He posted an exasperated lament on Facebook, and his friends told him to write a book. So he did.
“Go the F@#k to Sleep” just went to print, so I got a personal, over-the-phone reading from the author. It’s laugh-out-loud funny, capturing perfectly the seemingly endless bedtime routine all parents have endured: the requests for one more story, a glass of water, another bathroom trip, a different teddy bear. It juxtaposes the sweet words we say to our kids on such a night with what we’re really thinking in our heads.
Mansbach hopes people will not only relate to the book, but get some relief from it, too. Despite the “tremendous culture of parenting,” there’s a lot that doesn’t get talked about, he said.
“Hopefully, the honesty of this book will open up the conversation. These are legitimate ways that we feel, and we should laugh about it, and be honest about these tribulations.”
These days, Mansbach’s daughter is a pretty darned good sleeper. “I would like to think that writing this book solved her sleep problems,” he said with a laugh.
“Go the F@#k to Sleep,” from Akashic Books, comes out on Oct. 11. It’s already in the top 300 on Amazon.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I LOVE IT! I swear I think I wrote this book in my head a hundred times, when Ty was younger.
Unfortunately, I didn't think to cash in on it. lol As usual.
Anyway, I enjoyed a good laugh, and thought you all might too. Even if it is at the expense of others, and just maybe with a sigh of relief that those days seem to be over in our house.
Knock on wood.
I got a chance to visit with some of the other parents, some of whom I already knew and some I didn't. Like I said, it was nice.
Enough about that though.....
(Just FYI, I am posting it in whole so I don't violate any copyright stuff. Everybody should get thier credit here.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When "Goodnight Moon" just isn't cutting it... one dad and novelist has written a bedtime story to warm the hearts of sleep-deprived parents everywhere: "Go the F@#k to Sleep."
Most parents can recall a particularly dark and dreadful night when their little one just wouldn’t go to sleep. And most parents have uttered -- in their heads, or under their breath – a frustrated profanity about it. Novelist and dad Adam Mansbach did one better: He wrote a children’s book called "Go the F--- to Sleep."
Here’s a sample:
“The cats nestle close to their kittens.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear
Please go the f@#k to sleep.”
Now before you call Child Protective Services, let’s be clear: This book is written and illustrated in the tradition of a child’s bedtime book, but it’s not at all meant for kids. (It says so on the back cover.) The book, which alternates lilting verse with, well, profane reality, is aimed squarely at parents.
“Hopefully, the book is very reflective of what we all feel putting our kids to bed,” Mansbach told TODAY Moms. “We all love our kids – it’s not like we stop loving our kids – but as the minutes tick by, we’ll do anything to get out of that room.”
Mansbach isn’t just another foul-mouthed, wannabe writer – he’s an acclaimed and accomplished author. He’s a visiting professor of fiction at Rutgers University.
But as any good fiction teacher will tell you, you’ve gotta write what you know. And last summer, Mansbach knew that it was taking for-freaking-ever to get his 2-year-old daughter, Vivien, to go the f@#ck to sleep. He posted an exasperated lament on Facebook, and his friends told him to write a book. So he did.
“Go the F@#k to Sleep” just went to print, so I got a personal, over-the-phone reading from the author. It’s laugh-out-loud funny, capturing perfectly the seemingly endless bedtime routine all parents have endured: the requests for one more story, a glass of water, another bathroom trip, a different teddy bear. It juxtaposes the sweet words we say to our kids on such a night with what we’re really thinking in our heads.
Mansbach hopes people will not only relate to the book, but get some relief from it, too. Despite the “tremendous culture of parenting,” there’s a lot that doesn’t get talked about, he said.
“Hopefully, the honesty of this book will open up the conversation. These are legitimate ways that we feel, and we should laugh about it, and be honest about these tribulations.”
These days, Mansbach’s daughter is a pretty darned good sleeper. “I would like to think that writing this book solved her sleep problems,” he said with a laugh.
“Go the F@#k to Sleep,” from Akashic Books, comes out on Oct. 11. It’s already in the top 300 on Amazon.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I LOVE IT! I swear I think I wrote this book in my head a hundred times, when Ty was younger.
Unfortunately, I didn't think to cash in on it. lol As usual.
Anyway, I enjoyed a good laugh, and thought you all might too. Even if it is at the expense of others, and just maybe with a sigh of relief that those days seem to be over in our house.
Knock on wood.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
It's Kinda-Like a Compliment, Right?
Yesterday evening after Ty's karate class, I told him he could play on the Wii for 30 minutes while I did a few things. I quickly layed out our clothes for today, packed his lunch and signed the permission slip for his class trip on Thursday. Just as I was sneaking off to my room to stretch out with a book for a few minutes, I heard the t.v. turn off. That's unusual, I thought. Although he agreeably turns it off when I tell him his time is up, I have seen evidence that he would play around the clock if given the opportunity. Hence the 30 min. time limit.
I paused and sure enough he was headed my way.
Me: What's up?
Ty: Nothing. I just decided I didn't want to play for the rest of my 30 minutes.
Me: Why?
Ty: Cause I just want to cuddle with you Mommy.
Me: Are you sick? Is your belly hurting?
Ty: Nope, I'm fine. I just want to cuddle. BEFORE we read tonight.
Me: OK, come on then.
He crawls up in my lap on the couch and I take this opportunity to talk to him about his day. As he is talking to me, he starts playing with my hair as he often does. After a few minutes I can tell that he is more fascinated with my hair than having an actual conversation. I just sit quietly as he "fixes" it in to a curly mess on top of my head.
Ty: (smiling) Momma, I wish you were more beautifuler.
Me: (smiling) So do I kiddo.
I paused and sure enough he was headed my way.
Me: What's up?
Ty: Nothing. I just decided I didn't want to play for the rest of my 30 minutes.
Me: Why?
Ty: Cause I just want to cuddle with you Mommy.
Me: Are you sick? Is your belly hurting?
Ty: Nope, I'm fine. I just want to cuddle. BEFORE we read tonight.
Me: OK, come on then.
He crawls up in my lap on the couch and I take this opportunity to talk to him about his day. As he is talking to me, he starts playing with my hair as he often does. After a few minutes I can tell that he is more fascinated with my hair than having an actual conversation. I just sit quietly as he "fixes" it in to a curly mess on top of my head.
Ty: (smiling) Momma, I wish you were more beautifuler.
Me: (smiling) So do I kiddo.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Mothers's Day
I certainly hope that every had as wonderful a Mother's Day as I did!!!
I'm such a mush-melon. I spent all day admiring what a wonderful perfect little boy I have.
Well at least the parts where I wasn't trying to get him to quit stalling and get dressed or he'd be late for Sunday School, or begging him to quit whining in the car about not watching his Scooby-Doo movie, or cleaning up the Sweet Tea he spilled on me at Ruby Tuesdays. I wasn't keeping count, I promise!
Ha ha, no seriously. I have been greatly blessed. I know this and I really do often marvel at his pert-near perfectness. He has such a kind heart, a handsome face, and a charming and funny personality. I am totally wrapped.
This realization, as many do, brings me to yet another realization.
Several years ago, after my Dad passed away, I was visiting his (my Dad's) BFF . At some point during our conversation he commented on how "we (my sister and I) had our Dad wrapped around our little fingers". He said "of course he would never admit it, but it was as noticeable as a flashing billboard".
I remember laughing at the absurdity of his suggestion. I'm supposed to believe this about the man who could strike instant fear with a look. The same man who, when he said "no", you Did Not beg and plead or whine and cry. You accepted his answer and moved on. Yeah right, I wish.
Now as a Mother, I realize that sometimes Love makes you say "no" and it is often the reason we do so many of the perceived "mean" things we do. Fear inducing looks are excellent at correcting bad behavior and I find myself teaching Ty not to argue when told no...... because it hurts to see your child unhappy. I look back now and realize that his firm hand in raising us actually had more to do with Love than with discipline.
Yes, I guess he really was wrapped.
Now, Now! Before you go thinking that I've turned this Mother's Day post into a Father's Day tribute, I will tell you one of THE best things about my Dad.......................
........................He was smart enough to marry my Mom!!!!
I love you Mom! Thank you for everything! I don't have to walk down memory lane for you, because we are lucky enough to still be making them!!
I'm such a mush-melon. I spent all day admiring what a wonderful perfect little boy I have.
Well at least the parts where I wasn't trying to get him to quit stalling and get dressed or he'd be late for Sunday School, or begging him to quit whining in the car about not watching his Scooby-Doo movie, or cleaning up the Sweet Tea he spilled on me at Ruby Tuesdays. I wasn't keeping count, I promise!
Ha ha, no seriously. I have been greatly blessed. I know this and I really do often marvel at his pert-near perfectness. He has such a kind heart, a handsome face, and a charming and funny personality. I am totally wrapped.
This realization, as many do, brings me to yet another realization.
Several years ago, after my Dad passed away, I was visiting his (my Dad's) BFF . At some point during our conversation he commented on how "we (my sister and I) had our Dad wrapped around our little fingers". He said "of course he would never admit it, but it was as noticeable as a flashing billboard".
I remember laughing at the absurdity of his suggestion. I'm supposed to believe this about the man who could strike instant fear with a look. The same man who, when he said "no", you Did Not beg and plead or whine and cry. You accepted his answer and moved on. Yeah right, I wish.
Now as a Mother, I realize that sometimes Love makes you say "no" and it is often the reason we do so many of the perceived "mean" things we do. Fear inducing looks are excellent at correcting bad behavior and I find myself teaching Ty not to argue when told no...... because it hurts to see your child unhappy. I look back now and realize that his firm hand in raising us actually had more to do with Love than with discipline.
Yes, I guess he really was wrapped.
Now, Now! Before you go thinking that I've turned this Mother's Day post into a Father's Day tribute, I will tell you one of THE best things about my Dad.......................
........................He was smart enough to marry my Mom!!!!
I love you Mom! Thank you for everything! I don't have to walk down memory lane for you, because we are lucky enough to still be making them!!
Monday, April 25, 2011
End-O-Year Ideas
School Year that is.
I am so totally scouring the 'net for a cute teacher's appreciation gift idea for my son's Pre-K teacher. I feel as though I have already searched every inch of the web looking for a fab idea to steal. I just haven't found one that screams out to me. Yet.
There are several good stand-bys like gift cards, books and gift baskets, potted plants (may do this if I can't find anything else) and memory books. I already mooched the uber cute "letter shaped crayon" in a shadowbox idea that is all over the internet for a christmas present. So I am trying to kinda top that one.
Well if anyone out there has any creative and unique ideas, feel free to drop me a comment. Or maybe you know of any insanely crafty mom sites out there that I can go check out. There is the possibility that I haven't already stalked that page yet. :)
I'll not hold my breath for those comments. I'm just talking to the wind here. LOL
I am so totally scouring the 'net for a cute teacher's appreciation gift idea for my son's Pre-K teacher. I feel as though I have already searched every inch of the web looking for a fab idea to steal. I just haven't found one that screams out to me. Yet.
There are several good stand-bys like gift cards, books and gift baskets, potted plants (may do this if I can't find anything else) and memory books. I already mooched the uber cute "letter shaped crayon" in a shadowbox idea that is all over the internet for a christmas present. So I am trying to kinda top that one.
Well if anyone out there has any creative and unique ideas, feel free to drop me a comment. Or maybe you know of any insanely crafty mom sites out there that I can go check out. There is the possibility that I haven't already stalked that page yet. :)
I'll not hold my breath for those comments. I'm just talking to the wind here. LOL
Thursday, April 14, 2011
A Week in Review
Two weeks ago I needed to vent, so I wrote this post as a draft. Yet I was unsure whether to post it or not. It seemed too personal to other people. Now, two weeks later I still feel the need to publish this post, not so much to vent, but because this feels very important to me. So here it is.
OK, last week began with the death of a family member, and ended with his funeral. Throw in a sick kid and appearing in court as a character witness in a custody case, and you can see why I am just now posting anything for the last SEVERAL days. It was basically just a shitty week. Funny how death just kinda does that to ya, isn't it?
I'm still exhausted, but beginning to recoup. Although, I don't have a lot to say about these events (mainly because I don't feel as though they are my stories to share and not everyone feels the same about having their laundry aired on the net) there is one recurring theme. With the exception of Ty boy's most recent fling with the croup, everything else this week has pressed upon me the need to just let go.
Anger, resentment, and revenge are just plain childish. Get over it. Move on. Blood is supposed to be thicker than water, remember? People make mistakes. We ALL do. No one is perfect. We all are gonna screw up and do something stupid every now and then. We all are going to hurt those around us on occasion. Sometimes without even realizing it and at other times it may have been more intentional than we want to admit to even ourselves. It may make us feel better to place blame elsewhere and promote ourselves as a helpless victim in a particular situation, but rarely is the story so one-sided.
I just want to reach out to anyone who may ever read this and say that if you have anger in your heart for another person, please just let it go. I am here to tell you from my own experience that the person you are hurting the most is YOURSELF and the person who will benefit the most from this new perspective is YOU.
It takes a strong will to be the "bigger" person and more often than not its not a one-time deal. It can take years to repair bad relationships, but it is worth it. I know that if I'm not careful here, I will begin talking in circles. So essentially what I want to say is this:
If you are currently embroiled in a custody battle, please, please, please play fair. Children need both parents in their lives. Do not try to "punish" the other party by making it difficult for them to be a parent. There are so many kids who would love it if their mother/father actually wanted to be in their lives. So they may have been a crappy spouse (other half), but that doesn't mean they won't be great parents. Give your children the opportunity to have a great relationship with everyone. As long as there is not a safety concern (a real one, not imagined), learn to work with your former ex. Begin by letting go of the anger. I can assure you in the end life will be much sweeter.
Also, forgive your family members. I don't care if your brother did burn done the old home place because you inherited it instead of him. Someone has to be the grown up here. I have witnessed a feud that has existed in one generation for as many years as I can imagine. Recently that fire had begun to smolder one generation down. With the death of my great uncle this past week, this family feud became a full blaze in two more generations. Is this the kind of legacy we want to leave behind? It is petty and it is pathetic. Death hurts, and it makes us more vulnerable to these things, but it DOES NOT make it OK. Love your family. Even the kooks. And yes, even the assholes.
Friday, March 18, 2011
It's Official, I'm Moving!
I'm selling my house, moving in with my Mom and buying a motorhome!
It has only taken me nearly 5 years to make up my mind, but I have finally done it. I know what I want to do. Since my divorce I have jumped back and forth so many times about whether to sell or stay. Or would it be wiser to just keep it and rent it out? Then should I buy a house closer to my Mom, or move in with her? Then again, maybe I should chuck it all, and join the freakin' circus.
My indecision has been weighing on me for so long, and I have felt as though I have been in limbo because of it. Therefore, it is a great sense of relief to finally have made up mind.
As with most big decisions, I believe I have made this one harder just by making it too complicated. Then harder even still because of my control issues and maybe even possibly because I am afflicted with the "cake syndrome" (wanting it and eating too). Anyway, I have made my final decision by asking myself what two things are MOST important to me right now. The answer:
#1 Living in Town (which is where my Mom lives, ty goes to school, etc.)
#2 Being financially able to do things with Ty as her grows up.
So, I sell my house, put the equity into savings until I can find something in/near town to buy. I'll move in with my Mom until I find that perfect little place. And in the meantime, I'll buy a motorhome for Ty & I to travel in. Weekend trips camping close by and vacation trips further away. The motorhome will work as an escape as well, because we all know that once you've lived on your own it's hard to live with someone else. Fortunately, my Mom's house is over twice as big as my house, so we can cohab without actually having to coexist. Much anyway. :-)
I think it is a perfect idea. Now, I know what your thinking. Your thinking that I am allowing my overly positive attitude to cloud my judgement, aannnnd, you might be right. But what you don't know is that I have realized (or finally accepted) is that I can stay where I am at, at we will make it. Barely. But if I do this move; if I sacrifice a little bit, then I will be in a position to give Ty so much more. Not just material things, but memories.
I can't remember but a handful of the toys I had or the clothes that I wore while I was growing up, but I remember every little weekend trip my parents took us on. I often daydream about the places we visited and the things that we saw. Now, those memories are all that I have left of my Dad.
Noone is promised tomorrow. You never know when you will have to leave your children behind. I was twenty when I lost my Dad. Not a baby, but no where near grown up. I didn't inherit a trust fund or a family business, but he left behind plenty of memories. I want to give my son that same gift. A gift that can never be spent, or lost or taken away. Whenever it's my time to leave this world, I want to know that I left behind more for Ty than toys he will outgrow or a gaming station that will be outdated in a few short months.
It has only taken me nearly 5 years to make up my mind, but I have finally done it. I know what I want to do. Since my divorce I have jumped back and forth so many times about whether to sell or stay. Or would it be wiser to just keep it and rent it out? Then should I buy a house closer to my Mom, or move in with her? Then again, maybe I should chuck it all, and join the freakin' circus.
My indecision has been weighing on me for so long, and I have felt as though I have been in limbo because of it. Therefore, it is a great sense of relief to finally have made up mind.
As with most big decisions, I believe I have made this one harder just by making it too complicated. Then harder even still because of my control issues and maybe even possibly because I am afflicted with the "cake syndrome" (wanting it and eating too). Anyway, I have made my final decision by asking myself what two things are MOST important to me right now. The answer:
#1 Living in Town (which is where my Mom lives, ty goes to school, etc.)
#2 Being financially able to do things with Ty as her grows up.
So, I sell my house, put the equity into savings until I can find something in/near town to buy. I'll move in with my Mom until I find that perfect little place. And in the meantime, I'll buy a motorhome for Ty & I to travel in. Weekend trips camping close by and vacation trips further away. The motorhome will work as an escape as well, because we all know that once you've lived on your own it's hard to live with someone else. Fortunately, my Mom's house is over twice as big as my house, so we can cohab without actually having to coexist. Much anyway. :-)
I think it is a perfect idea. Now, I know what your thinking. Your thinking that I am allowing my overly positive attitude to cloud my judgement, aannnnd, you might be right. But what you don't know is that I have realized (or finally accepted) is that I can stay where I am at, at we will make it. Barely. But if I do this move; if I sacrifice a little bit, then I will be in a position to give Ty so much more. Not just material things, but memories.
I can't remember but a handful of the toys I had or the clothes that I wore while I was growing up, but I remember every little weekend trip my parents took us on. I often daydream about the places we visited and the things that we saw. Now, those memories are all that I have left of my Dad.
Noone is promised tomorrow. You never know when you will have to leave your children behind. I was twenty when I lost my Dad. Not a baby, but no where near grown up. I didn't inherit a trust fund or a family business, but he left behind plenty of memories. I want to give my son that same gift. A gift that can never be spent, or lost or taken away. Whenever it's my time to leave this world, I want to know that I left behind more for Ty than toys he will outgrow or a gaming station that will be outdated in a few short months.
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